The Blackout
by Jaywings
Summary: The power goes out all over the city, leaving Zim spooked and Dib desperate to find out what his latest plan was. Two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Something I started working on last summer. This isn't going to be very long, just one or two more parts.

* * *

Rain pounded against the windows and wind howled, rattling the house. Dib's eyes flicked to the digital clock on his nightstand, which was slowly counting the minutes past midnight, then switched back to focus blearily on his computer screen once more. He let out a long breath.

Earlier that day he had gone through no end of trouble to sneak a video camera into Zim's house. It had been difficult, and now he'd never get a deposit back for that rented plant disguise… But, anyway. It was now the start of his fifth hour staring at the surveillance footage. And it showed nothing but Zim in disguise sitting at a table with his back to the camera, occasionally demanding various snack foods from his little robot minion.

Zim appeared to be writing something—he had been doing so for the last three hours—and Dib itched to find out what it was. It must have been important for Zim to summon enough patience to sit down and write for three hours. A new evil plan, perhaps? But so far nothing remotely interesting had happened and Dib was beginning to grow bored.

He glanced at the clock again, which had jumped to 12:30, then looked out the circular window above his bed. It was too dark to see anything outside. Dib turned back to the computer screen and saw that Zim hadn't ceased writing. Did Irkens never sleep?! Dib yawned widely and considered just going to bed, leaving his record drives to capture whatever was happening onscreen for the rest of the night.

The faint roar of a car sounded on the road outside. Dib glanced at his window again. _How could anyone be so stupid as to try to drive in weather like this?_ he thought.

"I've got it!" a shout suddenly sounded from the computer, making Dib jump. Onscreen, Zim held up the paper he had been writing on and gazed at it. It looked like it was covered with words from a language other than English. Other than any language on this _Earth_.

"You got taquitos?" GIR, wearing his green dog costume, sidled into view and pulled himself onto the table.

Zim screamed, leaping to his feet and knocking his chair over. "GIR! What have I told you about climbing on the table?! Think of the GERMS, GIR! The GEEEEERRRRMS! Get down at once!"

"'kay!" GIR said, but didn't make a move to get down. Instead he grabbed the paper Zim was holding, crumpled it up, and popped it into his mouth.

"GIR! Stop that! Release the handiwork of ZIM!" Zim reached over and tried to wrench GIR's mouth open, but the little robot danced away and howled with laughter. He spat the paper into his hand and proceeded to smooth it out only to start tearing it.

Dib watched in amusement as Zim clambered onto the table and tried in vain to get the document back.

Another car went by Dib's window, though it was hard to hear in the downpour.

"NO! No, GIR! Bad Dog-Monster! BAD! You're HORRIBLE!" Zim finally snatched the paper away from GIR, holding it at an arm's distance with a look of disgust. It dripped with saliva. Dib stared and wondered how that was possible, since GIR was a robot. Then he decided he didn't want to know.

Zim sat back down and peered at the mangled remains of the document, trying to make sense of the words beneath the smudges and robot slobber. "Never. I never, ever want you to do that again, GIR. You nearly ruined my newest plan!"

Aha, so the paper _was_ a plan! Dib sat up a bit straighter and turned his full attention to the screen.

"GIR, I need you to listen _very carefully_. And GET OFF THE TABLE!"

"You ever try to eat a book?" GIR asked unexpectedly, without moving.

Zim glared at him for a moment in silence. "No," he finally said. "But more importantly! GIR, I am ready to reveal my new plan. My new, ingenious, _evil_ plan… for HUMAN DESTRUCTION!" He pounded the table two times to emphasize his words. "Now listen carefully while I discuss this plan in _excruciating_ detail!"

"Can I get taquitos first?" GIR chirped.

"SILENCE, GIR! You can fill your disgusting belly once I've finished my amazing monologue!"

A third car was driving past on the road outside Dib's window.

"Listen carefully, GIR! This is my most DIABOLICAL plan ever! First, I'll—"

A sudden shrill squealing of wheels sounded outside. Someone screamed, and there was a loud crash. Dib leaped out of his chair as though electrified and dashed across his room, jumping onto his bed and throwing open the circular window above it. He stuck his head out into the pouring rain. Despite the gloom he could see that a car had slammed into a telephone pole some distance down the street. Someone staggered out of the vehicle and stumbled, then pulled himself to his feet again.

"I'm all right!" the guy shouted into the dark neighborhood. "I'll walk it off! I've got _insurance!_ But if anyone wanted to, like, call 911 or somethin', that'd be cool too!"

There was no response. Dib ducked back into his room and closed the window once more. He ran to his closet and pulled out the seldom-used cell phone kept there. His neighbors probably didn't even realize what had happened, or couldn't be bothered to call for an ambulance! It could be completely up to him to make sure this car crash victim received proper medical care and—

Suddenly part of Zim's speech, forgotten for a moment but still issuing from the computer, caught his attention.

"…when the Dib-human is DESTROYED! Then I'll cause their ultimate doooooom by cutting them off from—"

_Bip!_

The screen abruptly went dark. The computer shut off. Not only that, but every light in the room blinked out at the same time, plunging Dib's surroundings into darkness. It was suddenly pitch-black and silent… except for the sounds from the storm outside.

"NO!" Dib cried, running to his computer. Once he located the keyboard he pressed every button he could find, but it was no use. "NO! NO! How was he going to destroy me? What was he going to cut us off from? WHAT WAS THE REST OF HIS PLAN?"

Nothing happened. The house was still dark and the details of Zim's plan were lost. Dib knew that even when the power came on again—and who knew when that would be, since Professor Membrane was out of town on some bizarre scientists' retreat and wasn't available to turn it back on again—the recording of Zim and GIR would be impossible to recover.

Dib bashed his still-dripping head into the keyboard. "_EVERY_ TIME!"

* * *

Dib's eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness and he made his way over to his bed, scrabbling under it in the hopes of finding something he could use to help him. Triumphantly he pulled out an old and previously-forgotten flashlight. He clicked it on. It wasn't as bright as he would have liked, but it would have to do. Also under his bed he discovered a large white poncho, which was a nice surprise. Strange. He hadn't remembered that he _owned_ a poncho.

He still needed to call 911. Unfortunately, his cell phone no longer had any service. Of _course_ it didn't.

Following the dim glow of the flashlight, he went out into the hall and down the stairs only to notice that something was already giving off a glow in the living room.

Gaz was sitting on the couch, the bright screen of her Game Slave illuminating her face as well as the mug of hot cocoa that sat steaming on the table in front of her.

"_Gaz?_" Dib came to a halt. "What are you still doing up?"

"I never go to bed on Friday nights," Gaz replied without taking her eyes from the game.

"Um… okay." Dib had absolutely no idea how to respond to this. "Well, anyhow, I'm off to Zim's house. The power failure interrupted the surveillance footage I was watching and I have to find out what Zim's plan is before it's too late! He's probably done explaining it by now—well, maybe not, since he does tend to ramble."

"Great, Dib. But have you seen the weather outside? If you're leaving, do me a favor and get struck by lightning."

"Whatever." Dib sighed in frustration and dropped his cell phone next to her. "Look, do what you can to get this back online and then call 911, okay? The blackout was caused by someone who crashed into a telephone pole and he might need an ambulance. I don't have time to try to fix the phone right now."

Gaz made no indication that she heard him but Dib left the room, pulling on the poncho and yanking the thin, plastic hood over his head. It took him an irritating few seconds to get his hair to lie flat enough so that the hood wouldn't rip. He picked up his new, waterproof camera from the hall table but decided he would leave his laptop home this time. He didn't want it to get wet in the downpour.

With the dull flashlight in one hand and his camera in the other, he opened the front door and slipped out into the night.

* * *

"Eh? What? GIR! What have you done to the lights _this_ time?" Zim demanded. His entire house had suddenly gone dark, rudely disrupting his speech for world domination.

"Noooooothing," GIR replied. He pulled off his hood so that Zim could see his glowing turquoise eyes.

"Well, you must have done _something!_" Zim stood, struggling to make out any shreds of light besides GIR's eyes. "Computer, turn the lights back on!"

There was no answer.

"COMPUTER! Answer your master! Is this some sort of trick?"

Silence rang through the house.

"We playin' hide 'n seek!" GIR said. His glowing eyes moved in and out of view, indicating that he was looking around. "Where you go, Master?"

"GIR, you have infrared vision!" Zim snapped. "I know you can see me. I, for one, can see perfectly fine." If it weren't for GIR's glowing eyes, Zim wouldn't have been able to tell if he was actually speaking in the right direction.

"I'm gonna go play in the dark!" GIR chirped. "WHERE YOU AT, PIG?!" He hopped off the table at last and scurried away, vanishing in the gloom.

"GIR! Wait!" Zim cried, but GIR didn't return. His only source of illumination gone, Zim sat in the dark and wondered what could have happened. The computer was most likely trying to play a prank on him. Well, it wasn't funny. "It's not working!" Zim shouted at the empty room. "You'll have to do better than _this_ to fool an Irken Invader!" He attempted to walk to the living room but tripped over his chair and sprawled on the floor. Turning on it furiously, he snarled, "And that goes for you, too!" He picked himself back up but didn't bother righting the chair.

A flickering orange light bobbed toward him. GIR materialized out of the darkness. He was out of disguise and held a candle in his metal hand. "I made fire!" he said. He held one of his claws in front of the flame and beamed at the shadow it cast on the wall. "Look! It's a birdie!"

"Quit messing around, GIR!" Zim snatched away, then dropped it with a yelp. "AUGH! It's hot!"

The flames licked at the tiled floor before Zim's hand stopped hurting and he picked the candle up again. He expected the heat this time and managed to ignore it, and held up the candle triumphantly. "You won't beat me, Computer!"

"I think the power's out!" GIR squeaked.

"Nonsense, the base couldn't have been affected by something as pathetic as a human power failure. The Computer is simply playing a prank… for which it will SUFFER HORRIBLY!"

This shout didn't invoke the desired response from the Computer. Zim glared around the room. "GIR, contact the Tallest! I must tell them of my Computer's rebellious behavior. We'll show that filthy piece of machinery who the superior one is!"

"Okey-dokey!" GIR crawled onto the couch, picked up the TV remote and pressed the power button, flicking through the channels. "Oh, I love this show!" he said, beaming at the television screen that was as dark and silent as the rest of the house.

"GIR. I said call the _Tallest_." Zim took the remote and held it up to the garish green monkey portrait on the wall. He hit a few of the buttons but absolutely nothing happened. "Irk, what is _wrong_ with everything today?"

"It's all dark and stuff," GIR said. "Can we play cards?"

Zim sagged a little. "No, GIR."

"BUT—"

"_No._"

"Pleeeeeaaaassseee?" GIR begged in the squeakiest tones imaginable, and then started screaming.

It took major restraint for Zim to keep himself from slapping himself in the face. "All _right._ Whatever 'cards' is. We might as well show the Computer that his joke isn't affecting us at all."

"YAY!" GIR jumped off the couch and bounded off somewhere. Zim levered himself onto the couch with his PAK legs and massaged his temples with his candle-free hand.

Neither GIR nor Zim noticed the face at the window.

* * *

Dib clicked off his flashlight in order to remain unseen and peered into his archenemy's house. Zim was sitting on the couch, but Dib could only tell because the alien was gingerly holding a lit candle.

Dib stared. He hadn't expected the power to be out over here, too. Surely Zim didn't use human electricity to power his base! That would be _beyond_ stupid. And yet, that's exactly what it looked like! Dib had a strange desire to laugh. The city must have had a really awful electrical grid or something, too, if hitting one telephone pole had put the power out everywhere. Huh.

Well, anyway, if the power was out, that meant Zim's defenses and weapons should be down. Dib might never get another chance like this! He crept around the house, hoping that despite his glaringly obvious white poncho he would be hard to see in the rain. He knew that he couldn't just walk in the front door of the house. Not with Zim sitting right in the living room. The alien had to have another entrance to his base.

There!

Dib had come to the back of the house and seen a badly-concealed metal panel on the ground. Crouching, he wedged his fingers under the metal grate and heaved upward. It was heavier than he had expected and it took him several tries before he managed to pry it up and push it to the side. It left a gaping hole from which a narrow ladder descended into darkness. The rain now spilled into the hole and cold air wafted up.

Dib's curiosity intensified. He wasn't concerned as much with the broken surveillance tape anymore. On the way over here he had begun to wonder why on Earth he was trudging through pouring rain in the middle of the night to spy on an alien and steal the document for a plan that probably wouldn't work anyway. Now that he had found this secret access panel, he could do an on-the-spot reconnaissance mission and gather information about the inside of Zim's house! Taking care not to slip, he lowered himself onto the ladder and clambered down.

Only the rain made the ladder slicker than Dib could have prepared for. Despite his precautions, he slipped on a wet rung about halfway down and struggled in vain to regain his grip. The flashlight fell out of his hand and hit the concrete floor below with a _crack_, shutting off immediately. Dib lost his grip on the ladder entirely and fell after it.

_CRASH!_ He landed on a pile of what felt like boxes, tissue paper and foam packing peanuts. Dib shook his head, in a daze. Why would Zim would even _have_ these? Had he been expressly ordering things from a space catalogue or something?

"What was that?" a muffled voice shouted from somewhere nearby. "It came from the basement!"

AAHH! He'd been caught! Dib scrambled around, trying to find some sort of weapon that he could use when someone came in and found out exactly _who_ had broken into the basement. His fumbling fingers bumped something that felt like a metallic cylinder. The flashlight! It wasn't much, but he clutched it and prepared to fight.

There was the sound of a door opening but no light spilled into the room. "I know you're here!" a voice shouted. "You cannot hope to remain undetected by an IRKEN INVADER!"

It was Zim. Dib froze and crouched in silence, hoping that Irkens couldn't see in the dark.

"GIR!" Zim raised his voice. "Bring me that candle! Let us see if we can scare this intruder by showing them what they're dealing with—because I can see them quite clearly!" he added hastily.

Apparently Zim _couldn't_ see in the dark. Dib immediately got to his feet as quietly as he could and made for the ladder. Maybe he could escape before GIR brought the candle and Zim saw him—if it came to a fight, he wasn't confident about the odds of his flashlight against whatever alien tech Zim might have on hand.

A dim orange light loomed into view as GIR arrived with the candle. Zim took it and lifted it high so that the light bathed the room. His eyes found Dib, who clutched the ladder looking guilty as heck.

Horror crossed Zim's face.

"YAH!" Dib shouted before Zim could move, waving the metal baton around in some sort of attempt at martial arts. To his immense surprise the cylinder, which was apparently _not_ his flashlight, grew hot and fired red lasers from both ends. One laser blasted another pile of boxes behind Dib while the other came within inches of hitting Zim, searing the wall behind him and scorching his toupee.

Zim shrieked. And ran back the way he had come, dropping the candle—it went out the moment it hit the floor.

The room was once again plunged into darkness as the door slammed closed.


	2. Chapter 2

"GIR! GIR!" Zim screamed, his back pressed against the basement door, panting like he had run a mile. "There's a laser-gun ghost down there! It almost fired a laser right through my squeedily-spooch!"

GIR did not respond and his glowing teal eyes were nowhere to be seen. Zim stepped away from the door and wrung his gloved hands, realizing he had dropped the candle in the basement. But he couldn't go back and get it—not with the ghost standing there waiting to skewer him with a laser beam!

Zim clenched his fists at the very idea of this. His _base_, his _home-on-Earth_, his one sanctuary from filthsome _humans_—haunted! _Compromised!_

He… he… he needed to shout at something.

"_COMPUTER!_ Answer me and rid the basement of that hideous spirit! And don't bother ignoring me, you worthless machine. I know you can hear me. I know you're listening. And you planted that ghost in my basement to try to scare me, didn't you! DIDN'T YOU!"

The following silence was answer enough for Zim.

"I KNEW IT! But Irken Invaders don't _get_ scared, Computer. I demand that you end this tiresome prank at _once_. Or I'll… reprogram you! I'LL DO IT! I'LL DO IT, YOU HORRIBLE PIECE OF MACHINE… machiney… MACHININESS!"

Anger surged from every pore in Zim's body. He was furious at the computer for doing this and ruining his plan. He was furious at GIR for deserting him, he was furious at the resident ghost for existing at all, and most of all he was furious at whoever had designed this house for making it impossible to navigate in the darkness!

Wait… _he_ had designed the house. Zim paused. There must have been something wrong with the building drill. Later he'd have to send an angry message, preferably with some explosives, to the manufacturers.

But in the meantime! He had a ghost to get rid of. He hurried across the room and crashed into what felt like a flat barrier. Aha! A wall! He felt along the smooth surface until he came across a large button and pounded it, again and again, with all his strength.

There was a creaking and wrenching sound as if something were trying to force its way through a door that wouldn't open on its own. A male voice sounded from the darkness.

"You called for us, Son?"

"Perfect!" Zim said, backing away from the button and planting his hands on his hips. "Roboparents! I can see that the two of you were not affected by the Computer's foolish joke, and that the alert system works as well."

"Actually we didn't hear an alert," Robodad said. "We just heard you screaming to yourself again. Would you like another throat lozenge, Champ?"

The unmistakable voice of Robomom chimed in. "Oh, honey! It's so darn dark in here that I can't see your pretty l'il face without that new Infar-Red stuff you gave us! Are you okay, sweetheart? Do you need a band-aid and a hug?"

Cold robotic claws suddenly closed around Zim's waist and he felt himself lifted into the air and snuggled into Robomom's chest.

"NO! NO HUGS!" Zim screamed, struggling to get down. "For Irk's sake, you're worse than GIR! RELEASE ME AT ONCE!"

Robomom obediently let go and Zim landed hard on the floor with an "_Oof!_" He stood up and glared at the robots, glad they had night vision so they could see the look of intense hatred on his face. "Roboparents! I have a job for you. I need you to—"

There was the sound of a door quietly opening and closing. Zim turned to yell over his shoulder. "GIR! FINALLY! Good! Come over here and I shall give you instructions!" He turned back to where he assumed the Roboparents stood. "As I was saying, I need you to capture a ghost that has taken up residence in the basement. It is an ugly, pathetic thing, all white and glowy and see-through-y and gross." He tilted his head and wiggled his fingers in disgust as he spoke`.

"Like the one standing behind you?" Robodad asked. Whirling around, Zim saw a ghostly white shape attempting to sneak past him.

Zim let out a blood-curdling shriek like he had just been attacked by animatronics, germs, and Halloweenies all at the same time. Still screaming, he dashed around and ducked behind Robomom in an effort to put some protection between himself and the grisly specter floating there.

Robomom crooned. "Aw, you're so adorable when you're terrified, Kidney-Pie!" she said to Zim. "I've _got_ to take a picture! Your father would be so proud, if he was here…"

"I _am_ here!" Robodad said.

"Oh! Yep! There you are, Honey! Don't worry, little Zimling, your daddy's here. He'll protect you from wandering remnants of the undead while I go get started on the family photo album!" She rolled off happily and Zim scurried behind Robodad instead.

The ghost didn't move and seemed to be staring at them. "_Little Zimling?_" it mocked in a familiar-sounding voice.

Zim shot out from behind Robodad and pointed a trembling finger at the white figure. "Don't move, apparition! You will rue the day you came from the Other Side to haunt _my_ amazing base! Don't come any closer! I have ways! WAYS! I'M WARNING YOU!"

"Ways of doing _what?_" the ghost asked in confusion.

"DO NOT QUESTION ZIM!"

The ghost suddenly moved and Zim thought it was about to attack, but it simply pulled out a rectangular thing and held it up. There was a sudden series of flashes that made spots pop in front of Zim's eyes. He yelped and jerked backwards, covering his face.

"What is this?!" he demanded. "Some kind of phantasmal defense mechanism?!"

"It's a camera, Zim!" the ghost said. "I've finally got indisputable proof of your alien-ness!" It paused. "Your alien… ness… like your eyes and antennae… which are… hidden under a disguise right now. Uh."

"You've blinded me!" Zim cried. "I can't SEE!"

The ghost sighed. "Yeah, that's probably because it's _pitch-black_ in here," it said. "I'll be sure to take note of the fact that you're using human electricity to power _everything_ in your base! It gives me a huge advantage!" The ghost put out one hand to feel its way and started moving over the floor. "I'm leaving now, Zim! I'm going to show these pictures to Mysterious Mysteries!"

"The producers of that slime-ridden show would never accept pictures from a ghost!" Zim said.

The ghost goaned. "You moron, Zim! I'm not a ghost! It's just a poncho!"

"YOU'RE LYING!" Zim shouted.

The ghost made no comment to that, but then stopped and put its arms back down. "…Hey… Zim? Where exactly is your front door?"

Suddenly the front door in question was flung open and someone toppled inside, moaning and falling to the floor; Zim let out another little yelp.

The man looked up. "Hey! I recently crashed my car into a telephone pole and I kinda need some help gettin' to the hospital. Seems my arm is a bit broken. D'ya think you could help a guy out?"

Robomom clapped her metallic claws as though applauding, startling Zim because he hadn't heard her return to the room. "Ooh, wonderful! A ghost and an insurance salesman! You know what? We should throw a party!"

"That's a great idea!" Robodad agreed.

"We need one of them strobe light thingies!" Robomom enthused, and rolled off to find some.

"I'll invite everyone in the neighborhood!" Robodad said.

"NO! No parties!" Zim cried, running forward to stop Robodad from calling the neighbors. The ghost, who had been watching the entire time, stuck out an oddly corporeal leg over which Zim tripped and skidded across the floor.

"What's goin' on?" the man who had come in for help steadied himself against the wall. "Why's it so dark in here?"

"You have to get out of here!" the ghost told him, running over. "This is the house of an evil space alien! My sister was supposed to call 911 for you, but I guess she didn't." The ghost paused. "Just for the record, you can tell there's an alien here, right?"

"I dunno. I can't see anything. Who're you?"

"IT'S A GHOST!" Zim screamed.

The man spoke again, sounding thoroughly confused. "A ghost and an alien? Am I at some kinda fantasy convention?"

"Nope, it's our happy little family!" Robodad said. He was holding a banana up to his ears and talking into it like a phone… eh, probably trying to call people over for a party. Hm. Zim breathed a sigh of relief. At least he didn't have to worry about that anymore.

"Get out of my house!" He turned and shouted at the human that had come in. He stumbled to the stand beside the couch, fumbled inside the drawer, and pulled out a gross stubby candle and a box of matches. Despite the fact that he couldn't see squat he managed to slide open the box, pull out a match, and strike it. He lit the candle and a tiny flame illuminated his face and a small circle around him.

"Huh," the ghost said. "I'm surprised you know how to work candles."

"Silence!" Zim snapped. The ghost took a step toward him and he hopped away. He jabbed the lit candle at the ghost. "And I'm not through with you! What have you done with GIR?"

"Me? Nothing." The ghost shrugged. "I dunno where your stupid robot ran off to."

Zim was still holding the smoldering match. He threw it to the side. "Roboparents! Detain the ghost!"

"That's no way to speak to your mother!" Robodad said.

"Yeah! I ain't a ghost!" Robomom's muffled voice said. Zim had no idea where she had ended up.

"_No_, I mean THAT ghost!" Zim gestured at the specter, then lunged forward and snatched the camera that the disgusting ghost was holding.

"Hey!" The ghost tried to grab it back but Zim dodged out of the way. "Give that back!"

Zim jumped to the side, the ghost blocked him. He jumped to the other side. Same. The… the ghost wasn't going to give up, was it. Zim let out a gasping scream and darted to the other side of the room; the ghost chased after him. He spun on his heel, dropped the candle, and tore across the living room. He barged through the front door and tumbled outside.

Instead of going down the walkway he turned and ran onto the grassy lawn, and… and… Oh, Irk. It was _raining_. A _lot_. The water wasn't burning him due to the ingenious paste covering he was wearing but who knew how long that would last… he should get back inside before it—

Zim attempted to skid to a halt but his feet slipped on the wet grass and he toppled face-first into the mud. He lifted his head and twisted around, then shrieked.

Lightning flashed behind the looming, bright white figure of the ghost, floating above him, huge and terrible… but—but they were out on the lawn! Where were the _gnomes?_ Why weren't they _doing_ _anything?_

The ghost leaned down and Zim froze, images flashing through his head of being torn apart or eaten or whatever on Irk it was that ghosts did to people and… the ghost just tried to wrestle the camera from his grasp.

"_NO!_" Zim wailed. He tightened his grip on the camera and pulled away.

"Knock it _off_, Zim!" the ghost said.

"Stay away from my little darling!" a female voice shrieked. Lightning flashed again and Robomom stood behind the ghost. She lashed out with one gloved hand and grabbed it. Something white slid off its head and Zim stared at the pale face that was revealed—it… it wasn't a phantom! It was _human!_ Not only that… it was _DIB_.

"DIB! I knew it!" Zim leapt to his feet, covered head-to-toe in mud.

Dib pulled himself away from Robomom and attempted to pull his horrible hood back over his horrible head. "Yeah, that's what I was trying to tell you!"

"_You_ disabled my computer and pretended to be a ghost! I knew the computer was too loyal to do something like that. It's stupid, but loyal. _What did you do with GIR?!_"

"I never pretended to be _anything!_" Dib shouted. "It's _just_ a poncho!"

"_Where_ is _GIR?_"

"I don't know!"

Zim leapt. He bowled Dib over—he'd scratch the filthy human's _eyes_ out! How _dare _he attempt to trick the ALMIGHTY ZIM?

Dib did a backwards somersault thing in the mud and kicked Zim off, planting the heel of one boot into his squeedily-spooch. Zim wheezed and fell to the side. Before he had fully recovered he sprang again. Dib blocked Zim's blow to his face but skidded backwards and fell to the ground.

"No fighting!" Robomom, standing on the sidelines, reprimanded. "GET THAT GHOST, ZIMMY! GET IT!"

Zim lunged at the human again but Dib swung his camera in an arc—it collided with the side of Zim's face with a force that nearly popped out one of his eyes. He changed his tactic and went for the camera again. He grabbed it, dug his heels into the sodden ground, and yanked the camera away. Of course, he fell on his butt in the mud again. Ow.

"What is _with_ you?" Dib demanded. He reached for his camera once more but Zim backhanded him across the face. Dib, thrown onto his back, gasped in pain and struggled back onto his knees. Zim laughed. Victory! Hah, foolish _human_. Dib had no idea what he was—

Zim's laugh turned into a choke. Dib had pulled a slender metal thing out of his pocket and was pointing one end at Zim. A red laser fired from the thing—so close that Zim could feel the heat scorch the air by his cheek—and he yelped.

"Give my camera _back_," Dib said, brandishing the metal thing. "I won't miss this time!"

"Never!" Zim shouted. Which… which he had to admit, was probably not the best decision. But before Dib could fire again, Robomom stuck her nose in the air and sniffed.

"Do y'all smell somethin' burning?" she said.

Zim and Dib, kneeling in the mud, froze. And together they looked up, over at Zim's house, as if they had had the exact same thought… at the exact same time.

* * *

There was a bright orange light dancing in the windows of Zim's freaky house. A light that had certainly not been there before.

"Fire!" Dib leapt to his feet, his eyes wide.

"Not my base! Not again!" Zim screeched. He sent up a spray of mud in his attempt to get his footing once more, dropped the camera and raced to the house, flinging open the door and darting inside. Dib put the laser gun thing in his pocket, grabbed up his camera again and followed. His heart was pounding. A fire in an alien house could _not_ be good. He thought of all the unearthly things that might be burning, releasing deadly chemicals into the atmosphere… and what if the fire spread? Huh? What if it got out of control? His dad wasn't here to develop some sort of chemical thing to instantaneously put it out!

Dib crashed into the base and immediately fell to coughing. A wave of heat met his face; Zim's couch was completely engulfed in flame, as were the walls and the TV and pretty much everything else that could be at all flammable… The guy from the car crash was huddled in the corner, whimpering. And GIR had reappeared. He was standing in the middle of the floor, staring at the blaze expressionlessly with the flames reflected in his glass eyes.

"GIR!" Zim said over the roar of the fire. He grabbed GIR's metal arm and pulled him toward the door.

"The couch caught on fire," GIR said, pointing.

Robodad was still in the house, too. He leaned over and picked up the burning box of matches from the floor, and shook it at Zim. "How many times do we have to tell you not to play with FIRE?"

Realization struck Dib in a second. "You set fire to your own base! You left the candle on the floor!" he shouted at Zim. "Why would you _do_ that?!"

Zim ignored him and instead dragged GIR over to Robodad. He grabbed his fake father by the arm in his free hand and tugged them both toward the door. Zim made a bizarre appearance. His wig had fallen off somewhere outside and his antennae stood up tall and alert on top of his head. The heat from the fire had half-melted his contact lenses and left them in a plastic-y goo in the bottoms of his eyes. The white melted plastic ran in rivulets down his face like milky tears. It was… really disturbing, actually. Dib snapped a picture.

Something was burning his leg. He reached in his pocket and yelped when it burned like he had touched a hot stove. The laser-thing he had gotten in the basement! Quickly he plunged his hand into his pocket again, grabbed the metal wand with his fingernails, and threw it on the ground. A blast of red light flew out of it and charred the wall. Then another, shooting in a different direction. Dib ducked.

"AAHH! What are you doing?!" Zim screamed, leaping out of the way of a laser.

"It's your laser gun thing!" Dib shouted, dodging another shot and covering his head with his hands. "I was going to keep it for evidence but it must be overheating!"

"_What_ laser gun?"

"The one from your basement! It was in a stack of boxes and stuff you ordered! What, you don't remember _buying_ it?"

"You expect me to keep _track_ of what I buy?" Zim dove to the ground to avoid one of the lasers. "I've NEVER seen that before! GIR probably bought it!"

"No I didn't!" GIR chirped.

Dib stood and kicked the laser gun as hard as he could. It flew into the television, which promptly exploded, sending out a shower of sparks. So much for that.

"Help me," a voice moaned. The car crash guy! He'd forgotten! Dib ran over to him and pulled him to his feet.

"C'mon!" Dib said. "We have to get out of here!" He coughed again. Smoke and who-knows-what-else coated his throat and made it difficult to breathe. He dropped to the ground, motioning for the car crash victim to do the same, and crawled toward the door.

"Hey! Hey! It's raining!" Zim realized from somewhere behind Dib. What, did he keep forgetting about the rain or something? Stupid alien. "The rain'll put out the fire! HAH!"

"Not if the fire's _inside_ the house, you moron!" Dib shouted. He kept crawling forward until he was close enough to roll out the door. He landed in a crouch and turned to see the guy he had rescued crawl out after him.

The guy stood up shakily. "I am so _outta_ here!" he said. And he loped off unsteadily.

Dib let him go. He certainly wasn't going to call him back to a burning house. Zim emerged next, shoving GIR outside and yanking Robodad behind him. The three of them stumbled over the yard, through the gap in the fence, and collapsed in the street. More explosions sounded from inside the house. That stupid laser gun must still be firing.

Panting, Dib sat up. Something flew by him and he ducked, his heart pounding in panic again.

Robomom brushed by Dib and ran to Zim. "My _hero!_" She scooped the alien into the air, squeezing him in a creepy robotic hug. "You saved your daddy! And our dog!"

"AAAHH!" Zim yelled. He struggled to get down and landed on the road with a painful-sounding thump.

Dib laughed halfheartedly and with a start realized that he no longer had hold of his camera. He… he must've left it _inside_… Dib looked at the house, where the fire was glowing even brighter than it had before. Drat. He pushed away the sad image of his camera—and all the pictures on it—slowly smoldering in the flames.

"You alien jerk," he muttered darkly to Zim. "You owe me one hundred fifty dollars for a new camera." Knowing full well that Zim would never pay up, Dib turned and trudged away through the rain.

The entire night had been wasted.

* * *

Zim ignored the Dib-worm and stared at his home impassively. The fire burned brightly through the darkness and seemed completely undeterred by the rain. That was stupid.

"GIR," he said finally, his voice coming out in a rasp, "I thought you told me the base was fireproof."

"It is!" GIR replied. He was smiling.

Zim didn't say anything to that. He just stood silently with GIR and the Roboparents, out in the road, drenched by the rain. Watching the house burn ever lower.

He hated Earth.


End file.
